Entry #3

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

From the patio at the VooDoo Lounge, 51 stories high atop the Rio hotel in Las Vegas, Annamaria and I looked out on our city of lights and held each other tight. Big lights, big dreams. I cranked the volume on my cell phone to max, held it out between us and pushed the send button. 

Mom answered the phone and, as is the drill on most phone calls, gave the phone to dad while she scrambled to the other room to pick up the other line. We said hello to dad then let the phone line lie quiet as we waited for mom to pick up  -- these awkward few seconds with our beautiful pitch weighing down our tongues stretched an eternity.

Mom said hello and I didn’t hesitate. I laid it out: the movie, the tears, the dream, apple pie and Chevrolet, the need to do this now more than ever. I don’t think I breathed for 60 seconds. And then I was done. And all was quiet. Then it was quiet some more...

Finally:

“Well,” dad said, “It sounds interesting”.

Hardly the ringing endorsement I was looking for.

“I have some questions,” mom added.

That was the understatement of the night. For the next half-hour or so I lobbied, scrambled and presented counters to all arguments. Mind you, some of the fundamental questions were tough:

Q:How much do you think this is going to cost?

A:I’ve laid out a $50,000 budget.

Q:Where is that money coming from?

A:I don’t know. I’ve got some contacts--

Q:You’re not going to ask us for the money are you?

A:No! This is supposed to benefit you guys not drain you.

Q:How long will you be gone?

A:I’m thinking about three months.

Q:What are the travel arrangements -- what kind of vehicle -- who’s?

A: I don’t know. I’m planning on contacting a number of different car agencies/dealerships to see if we can get a sponsored donation/loaner that they can logo up.

Q:Would this be just your father and you?

A:I’m open to the possibilities. 

Annamaria’s version of the call:

It was freezing cold. We were on the roof of the Rio. Bob was so excited. We had the whole world in front of us, it seemed like (at least all of Vegas -- it’s an amazing view from up there). I remember I was hugging Bob (also trying to keep warm) as he called. At first there was the small talk, then he just said it. Then it was quiet. After a few seconds, Bob said: “Hello? Anyone there?”

I was sad for him because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted. He talked to his dad more about it and his dad obviously wanted to go. 

Mom’s version of the call:

I was stunned. That was the first thing I felt. I liked the premise of the idea. I went immediately to my fear of Dan being gone for that period of time. I was scared because of his health. I was scared of how fast his health might deteriorate. I worried how I would be with my depression being alone for that amount of time. I wondered how dad would handle it energy-wise.

I had many questions. I wanted time to think about it and discuss with dad.

Dad’s version of the call:

I think Paulette kind of dismissed the idea. My response was to take Bob at his word, which was assuming we could address all the potential problems. And I don’t think mom could get by that. 

I just remember my biggest concern being Paulette. I had a lot of questions about details both having to do with the trip and with being with gone. The length of time was discussed. 

If I had any specific concerns I would have said them. The immeditate thing in my mind was excitement, not all the reasons why aren’t all the potential problems answered. 

It wasn’t as much a firm idea in my mind as it was in Bob’s. He comes up with a lot of ideas and I didn’t know how committed he was to this idea. It would run through my mind, but I didn’t know how much reality to attach to it -- because it was just an idea. Certainly the idea was appealing. I wasn’t terribly concerned about my (physical) ability -- mom was more concerned about that. I had no reservations about my ability to drive. 

Mom, after hanging up the phone:

I thought about how I felt about being separated. I felt some guilt putting my negativity on such a neat idea, but I had to be real about being separated that long. It hurt to not have Dan empathize with my feelings of separation. I didn’t feel he considered the pain of my being alone.

I felt more included when the idea of me coming along on the trip was brought up. I’d get to see things I’d like to see with them. There was a reality factor as far as the house and Emma (family Cockapoo) -- someone needed to be here. But, I knew I wanted to see New York & Boston with them. 

Bob, after hanging up the phone:

Give it time, I thought. That didn’t go how I wanted, but I trust in the big picture here. I don’t know what I’m fully doing here...but I know enough to say this is important and it’s important right now. 

Give it time.

The movie can be seen here. Please watch it and share it with friends. 100% proceeds benefit the Michael J Fox Foundation.