Boys of Summer Book - Entry #160

You can see the complete film "Boys of Summer" for free by clicking here. 

100% proceeds go to the Michael J Fox Foundation. 

June 30, 2006 - Bob

Walnut Creek, CA

Mom and dad have enrolled in a program in Seattle for them both to get more understanding about her bipolar. I’m so proud that mom’s brave enough to go to it and through it. I also admire my dad for standing by her to encourage, support and sometimes offer the bits of information my mom’s disease would rather leave in the dark. There is that odd distinction that I’ve come to accept with chronic diseases like Parkinson’s and bipolar: they are both part of us and separate from us. When we “have” them or are afflicted by them, they do become part of us. They can, in fact, overtake us and become us. We must fight daily, hourly, minute-by-minute to manage them.

Therein lies the rub: “manage” not “cure”. Some things, at least as far anyone I know understands them right now, are not curable. That’s a very contradictory thought for a people and a culture here in the U.S., in particular, that often believes it can accomplish anything, cure everything and defeat anyone.

Diseases like these are like a full plate of humility served cold. Victory, in the classic sense (i.e. annihilation, surrender) is not an option. Management is the only thing on the table.

Diseases thrive in dark, stagnant areas devoid of life, light and circulation. In the light, where they must be dealt with and where those with experience, training and compassion can help is where we can all learn to manage our difficulties, whatever they are.

It’s scary, exposing one’s self to the light. What will people think about me? What does this say about who I think I am and how I present myself? What if no one loves me? What if I am weak? What if I am worthless? What if I am a fake, a fraud, a fool?

I look forward to seeing my parents and sharing this new segment of their adventure with them.

Boys of Summer Book - Entry #154

You can see the complete film "Boys of Summer" for free by clicking here. 

100% proceeds go to the Michael J Fox Foundation. 

April 30, 2006 - Bob

Walnut Creek, CA

The day mom and dad got back, mom said “I’m just going to lie down for a moment”. It seems like a natural enough thing to say unless you understand my mom. She has code words/phrases/actions that indicate she’s feeling depressed. The weird thing is she says or does them and doesn’t see the connection. Annamaria and I knew right away what this meant: she’s probably going down for a while.

May 1, 2006 - Mom

Walnut Creek, CA

Overall, I did enjoy Florida very much. The Keys were beautiful. It was hard when dad was in such pain with his hip and back.

When we got back Esther (our neighbor of 31 years and very close friend) was scheduled surgery. I am very scared about that. She’s like an older sister to me.

Bob asked me about my lying down in bed during the day. He said he was concerned I may be going into depression. I’ve made an agreement not to sleep in my bed during the day as that’s been an indication of my depression in the past. I honestly just felt tired. 

June 1, 2006 - Mom

Walnut Creek, CA

Esther and Suzanne (neighbors) were talking to me a lot -- doing some praying. They are very concerned for me. (My sister) Denise’s e-mail scared me. I feel like I am frustrating everyone. I’m scared I may lose everyone. I don’t know what to do. I definitely don’t want to go back to Kaiser.

Boys of Summer Book - Entry #107

You can see the complete film "Boys of Summer" for free by clicking here. 

100% proceeds go to the Michael J Fox Foundation. 

Post Production Begins

August 23, 2004 - Bob

Las Vegas, NV

Here I be.

It's Sunday night, August 22nd (technically the 23rd). The beautiful Annamaria and I just returned from the Bay Area. We had a warm and wonderful last couple of days with my parents. My mom continues to struggle and that is difficult for all of us (it really is just like the ad for whatever depression medication it is says: “depression hurts everyone”). If you've never been around someone with depression, it's incredibly difficult to fully understand. And, I'm sure, it's different for every person. 

What I do know is this: when my mom is depressed, she is a woman that no one recognizes -- not even herself. She becomes quiet and small -- so different than the vibrant, warm, almost hyperactive woman most people are used to seeing. Perhaps somewhere in the middle, she will find a balance. 

I wish my mom all the health and love in the world. 

I write about her here because A) I'm thinking about her and B) Her health greatly affects my dad. 

Over the last two days, Annamaria and I helped my dad clean up the house and the cars -- hopefully giving mom and dad a fresh and clean enjoy their home and life together again. My dad said he is curious to know how mom will respond with Annamaria and I not around. There were some encouraging signs these last couple of days and I hope they continue. 

As for me, being back in Vegas is good. Being with my partner is good. Sitting here at this desk (where I'm likely to put some tread marks in my butt editing this film over the next couple of months) is good. 

It's hot, but not unbearable. 

I'm very, very hopeful for this film and the many things it can do to inspire, raise awareness and funds for Parkinson. We have an awesome opportunity. I'm waiting to hear on the first of my interviews I've been keeping fingers crossed for tonight or tomorrow. I may have a short road trip in front of me to get to that one, but that's okay. Short roadies are a breeze to me at this point. 

There's so much to do -- but not much tonight. Tonight is a brain drain (as you can tell by this entry). 

I'm going to enjoy the rest of my veggie burger, play some video games ('cause I miss my PS2, as well) and hit the hay. 

A wise poet once said, "the future was wiiiiiiide open". I know what he's talking about. 

Oakland 4, Baltimore 3

WP: T. Hudson (9-4)   LP: B. Groom (3-1) 

Boys of Summer Book - Entry #103

You can see the complete film "Boys of Summer" for free by clicking here. 

100% proceeds go to the Michael J Fox Foundation. 

Aug. 11 - continued

Bob (Later...):

Tough. Tough, tough and more tough. Mom has decided not to come. This was very hard on Dad, I know. The only reason my Mom wouldn’t be going on this trip is if she felt really, really sick.

Dad:

The next thing you know Bob and I are on our way to Seattle, alone. I really got a sense of how bad Paulette is feeling knowing how much she loves road trips. She loves Seattle and she loves all of our family and friends in Seattle, too. And she still could not make the trip.

Bob:

These reunions have become annual events as we learn each year more and more how valuable these get togethers are. And Mom won’t be making it. I can hardly believe that as I write it. It doesn’t seem right.

I know Dad feels terribly guilty about leaving her, too. But she insisted he go -- and there’s really nothing to do for my mom by being there. Again, she has food, a comfortable home and lots of friends and neighbors checking in on her. She just has to make the effort to check back into life...whenever she’s ready.

Aug. 12th, 2004 - Bob
Seattle, WA

At one point last night, my dad said the road began to look like purple jelly. That probably should have been enough to get us off the road entirely. Instead, we swapped back and forth on shorter and shorter intervals until we were doing more stopping than starting and we were better off taking a nap. We did just that, taking an uneasy and uneven 90 minute catnap in the Explorer at a rest stop.

I always have this fear that someone with a freshly cut off hand is going to come rapping at the window when pulled over in these situations...

I know what you’re thinking: how’s he gonna rap without a hand? Well he’s got another hand, doesn’t he? And don’t tell me a fresh nub doesn’t have it’s own particular, squishy rap.

Boys of Summer Book - Entry #102

You can see the complete film "Boys of Summer" for free by clicking here. 

100% proceeds go to the Michael J Fox Foundation. 

Aug. 11, 2004 - Bob
Walnut Creek, CA

Got just a few hours of sleep and woke to the news that my grandfather (dad’s dad) is in the hospital with encephalitis. Apparently it’s quite painful, but not life threatening. This, on top of mom’s health, has really made for a pleasant “wake up and smell the OJ” morning.

Dad and I talk about the practical measures -- are we going to the A’s game today? I feel almost silly asking. Our schedule has us going to the game, then immediately rolling out to Seattle so we can catch our afternoon game there tomorrow (big crowd and big party waiting).

But, in light of everything going on...

Dad decides the A’s game today is a good idea. I’m really glad. I’m hoping this will provide him and I with a little familiar smile. This is our home park. These are our beloved A’s. Jonny O  is covering the game for the local newspaper and maybe we’ll get to see him at the game. The A’s have provided excellent tickets for us (thank you, Detra Page).

So we go...

Aug. 11, 2004 - Dad
Walnut Creek, CA

The next day Bob and I go to the Oakland game and I have to admit I don't think my heart was in it. On top of that the A's got blown out.

Bob:

ONE GAME. We get to see “our boys” for ONE GAME out of the thirty-two we’ve seen (including the AAA in Vegas and the extra game in Houston) and what do they do? Nada. Zip. Three runs of worthlessness vs. 11 TITANIC BOMBS BY THE TIGERS!! Dramatized? Sure. That’s just how it feels.

Jonny O says this is perhaps the worst game they’ve played all year. Glad to be on board, fellas.

We leave early from a game for just the second time on this trip and, though I hate doing it, I think it is the right decision. We’ve got this roadie to Seattle -- a 12-hour jaunt -- staring us dead in the chops and the mental state (for any of us) was not strong to begin with today. As of right now we (and that includes Mom and Emma) are going...I hope that’s the case when we get home.

Park Number 28 (of 30), Networks Associates Coliseum

Detroit 11, Oakland 3
WP: W. Ledezma (2-0)   LP: M. Redman (8-9)

Boys of Summer Book - Aug. 6, 2004

The Boys of Summer roll along, but we need your help to complete this year's journey. Please see our site for the latest on how to contribute. Thank you!

August 6, 2004 - Dad

Las Vegas, NV

Dad with then Colorado Rockies Manager, Clint Hurdle
at a game at Coors Field, Aug. 5, 2004.

We are off to an early start for a full day of driving. It is a very picturesque trip that goes by very quickly. What a difference a good night’s sleep and day light driving makes. 

We arrive in Las Vegas late in the afternoon. Annamaria has prepared a welcoming dinner for us. After dinner we go out to see a few sights. Bob drops me off at a casino to do some gambling.  

Coors Field from above.

August 7, 2004 - Bob

Las Vegas, NV

What a trip being back here in Sin City. Seven weeks to the day from when we started. It was a LOOOONG trip from Denver, but the familiarity of the west, with the staggering heights of the Rocky Mountains, the scent of the thick green pine trees and the long, open-planed stretches of desert that I at one point in my life found quite distasteful, made for good travel partners.

Vegas looks and sounds the same as when I left it -- ah, there's a police siren just now.  

Being here, I feel relaxed. I have no doubt at this point we’re going to be able to finish the trip financially. That burden being lifted is like a two-ton gorilla gone buh-bye. The rapidly growing gorilla, however, is the one that represents my mom’s health and her refusal to pick up the phone. The fact that she’s not answering and not calling back means, very simply, that she’s in a depression. We know that much. Is she in danger? Experience says no. She has food. She has a safe home. She has friends checking in on her. If my dad was there, not much would change.

That’s the intellectual truth. 

Arriving home to Annamaria in Las Vegas.

The emotional truth has my dad wondering if there’s not something more he could be doing. My mom has been going through this for about 10 years. The length of her depressions has been increasing. She is getting treatment, and yet, the problem doesn’t seem to be getting better. It’s such a strange illness. My mom is about as outgoing and social of a woman as you could ever imagine. To label her “depressed” just doesn’t seem to fit. 

But it does. 

Depression is also a common condition for Parkinsonians. That’s one of the big concerns about mom’s health is that dad could “slide down” with her if he’s not careful. I’m very concerned about that -- at the same time doing my best to respect they’re adults (my parents for Pete’s sake) and have the right to make their own choices, even if I see something I think would be a better choice for them.

Is this what parenting is like?

Dad after a night on the town in Las Vegas.
He hit a royal flush as he's apt to do.

To the end of letting my dad be, I’ve honored his request to have some alone time in the casinos. He has a favorite not far from our apartment where he’s had some luck before (dad really is pretty lucky in the gambling department -- save for the one time he was $50 up at a blackjack table and got kicked out for counting cards). The gaming is, I think, so much mental calisthenics for my dad. It’s a release and he’s not (again, to my knowledge) betting crazy amounts. He has fun and forgets about life for a while. God love him. 

For me, my jackpot is being with my Bella again. She had the traditional “Welcome Home” sign up over the door when we arrived and a beautiful lasagna in the oven. What more could you ask for? I’m very glad she's coming to San Diego and Los Angeles with us this weekend as well.

The Boys of Summer roll along, but we need your help to complete this year's journey. Please see our site for the latest on how to contribute. Thank you!